Monday, 29 August 2016

Confessions Of A Gay Man | Confessions By Harrison


This is something I never really talk about (purely because I don't feel like it needs to be talked about) but I thought I would share this quite massive part of my life with you all. After all, sharing is caring. 

From a young age I always knew I wasn't like all the other boys. I always knew I was different and always hated it. I always knew I was gay.

Growing up:
I feel I was quite lucky to have not encountered too much bullying. At school there was always the odd 'gay boy' comment, but it never went any further than that.
I never told anyone. Not for years. It wasn't until I was 14 - 15 that I felt like I couldn't keep this secret anymore. So I told a couple of my closest friends that I was Bisexual. I always felt that was the easiest way in, it was like dipping my toe in.
I always felt confident with who I was, but this secret constantly crippled me and I hated the fact I was gay. I hated that I was different to everyone else and hated how it made me feel. So at the age of 15 I got a girlfriend. We had been introduced by a mutual friend, we started getting on really well and one thing led to another. This was my chance to hide it. This was my chance to pretend and hope this would go away. In my mind, If I had a girlfriend, these thoughts of being gay would just go.
My girlfriend and I ended up losing our virginities together, we ended up having a lengthy relationship with ups and downs, but eventually I had to tell her as it just wasn't fair to either of us.
So that relationship ended and I was back to square one.
However, the older I got, the more confident I became and the more comfortable I was in my own skin.
This all led to what was the biggest moment of my life.

Coming Out:
Coming out was quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My parents have always know, deep down. They've always known I was gay, however they just didn't want to ask.
Mum, because she didn't want to believe it was true. Dad, because he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable.
So coming out then. I remember I was wearing my green H&M shirt and my tanned boots. I was off out with my best friend Kate that evening for dinner. Earlier on that day Tom Daley, Olympic Diver had posted a video online, coming out that he was in a relationship with another guy. This was it. This was my chance.
So mum was in the kitchen, I casually walked in and said "Oh, have you heard Tom Daley is gay?" Mum quite normally just said "Oh yeah I saw that".... me: "Guess what, me too". And that was it. There was no turning back now. All I am going to say is that mum's reaction wasn't what I hoped for, wasn't what I expected and is something I am never going to forget. But for her privacy, I'm not going to go into detail.
So now onto Dad. Dad was the one I was worried about the most. He's a very typical 'bloke'. Owns his own business in the manual trade, plays football every week and Is into all kinds of sports. So as you can imagine, I was nervous to tell him. I told Dad in pretty much the same way was I told Mum. This time, his reaction utterly blew me away. "Oh right. Well, nothing changes, I still love you the same and I'm so happy you're finally comfortable to say. How exciting" And that was it, reassuring, to the point and no big deal.
Phew... what a relief. I have never looked back!

Now for a few myths:
So for this little section, I thought I would dispel a few myths that people have about gay people.

- We're not all princesses. I feel like every gay person you'll ever meet will have some level of 'campness' to them, however, we're not all princesses who walk around with handbags, our nails painted and a face full of makeup.
- We don't fancy every single guy. This was something I cam across a lot at school. Every straight guy who meets someone gay, thinks that they are automatically gods gift and every single gay guy is going to fancy them and try and pounce on them. NEWSFLASH!! We're gay, not desperate!
- Dating is hard! For gay people, dating is 100% harder. It's hard to determine who's straight and who's gay in a club. Grindr is full of old, horny men who just want to get laid. It's really really hard.

So there you have it, a little insight into the mind of a gay man. Trust me, I could go on and on forever, but some of us have a holiday to prepare for and a whole load of blog posts to write and schedule.

| Harrison |